After a recent post I made about a personally heartbreaking event, I received an enormous amount of welcomed counsel and advice. I got messages and calls from around the world, and it made me realise just how many caring friends I have; friends that I often neglect.
For that I am thankful and sorry at the same time!
There was such a consistent theme that ran through the various messages that I thought I would write it down, more for my own reference than anything else. Perhaps though, it might serve as a timely reminder for anyone out there feeling broken and in search of answers. But a caveat, I can only speak for my own experiences.
The relationships I engage in, and the women I am attracted to often mask my own insecurities. I am drawn to those with a story of hardship and histories of broken relationships. In part, this helps fuel my own need to feel wanted. I want to be with someone who is looking for somebody they can rely on.
There is no real problem with this, I suppose.
The irony is that I often enter their lives at a time that is possibly the most unstable. I am happy to be the anchor and the harbour, providing a grounding force and security. BUT this is only a temporary solution, because once that stability is provided, then that is when they feel the most safe to set sail again, in search of new conquests, so to speak. And I am left rusting away at the ocean floor (Apologies for the maritime theme, but it works very well!).
I had a conversation with an old friend, she is a little older than me, and much, much wiser. She told me that women can be strange creatures. All the more stranger in the state that Elaine is in. Here is a woman who had the supposed love of her life, and best friend walk out on her, throw in some suspicion of infidelity, and it becomes a very dark place. It is a real kick in the guts, and without a doubt she will be in a constant state of hurt. But until she works out her own personal life, she’s most likely not a good candidate for a relationship. My friend said that women can choose to handle things constructively, or destructively, and in this case, she desires to be wanted, to be deemed attractive.
This explanation makes a lot of sense to me, and if ultimately, Elaine finds happiness, then I too will smile. I honestly and sincerely want her to be happy.
Now, I just need to work out my own problems.