Yibbida Yibbida, Thats (not) All Folks

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My first memorable experience of Hong Kong involved me beating an old lady in a battle of strength.

So I was lugging my 20kg suitcase on Hong Kong’s MTR train network (note the similarity to Singapore’s MRT – They are exactly the same!). Heading towards my stop, it was a precarious situation. I was approximately 5 human layers deep from the exit doors and I had been past enough stops to know that the time between opening and closing of doors was limited. I needed to get to the exits and I needed to get to it soon! But of course Hong Kong’s MTR wasn’t letting me off the hook that easily.

Much like a mid 1980′s Nintendo video game, this task was fraught with danger. On my left was what looked to me like a hermaphrodite – I would need to avoid that thing – and going right would only be counterproductive. Behind me were the opposing doors. I had but one option.  The shortest distance is a straight line between points A and B. The only problem other than being five layers deep was that one of those layers was a blind dude with a cane. Now I know at this stage you are thinking this is my creative licence at play, but trust me, this is all legit. So here was this poor blind man, innocent as fuck, holding his walking cane (with a ball thing on the end and all!) on this crowded metropolitan train with me staring down the barrel straight at him.

I had to do it. I needed to get off this train.

As I made my first tentative steps, the train doors opened and as luck would have it a wave of new passengers pushed the blind fella out of my line. Fuckers here are ruthless, so taking their lead, I charge. They didn’t stand a chance. I grew up on 100% Aussie beef protein mofos.

I’ve made it to the exit. Hang on, what the hell? Who is this weakling pushing against me as I try to exit the train? It was MTR’s last line of defense and it was an old lady, but no less rude. I was trying to get off the train, she was trying to get on, but along the way she forgot about her mission and she went rogue trooper on me, she just wanted to prove she could push me out of HER way! It is international etiquette, a logistical requirement whereby you allow people off the train first before boarding.

The image is ridiculous. She had both hands pushing against my (massive) right arm with all her weight behind her, so that she was standing at almost 45 degrees to the ground. I’m sure there is an early Warner Bros cartoon depicting this very scene.

I have to commend her on the commitment she displayed though. It was a hopeless battle, but she persevered until the end and even threw in a few slaps as I walked away and past her. Do I feel proud of this victory?



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